We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
