You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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