Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
