"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
