I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
i've created a new STD.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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