Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
