DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
