Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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