I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
