hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
