went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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