so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
