Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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