Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
