he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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