Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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