So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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