A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
