how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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