so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
