omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
