That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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