i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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