I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
