I'm going to jail i love you
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
