Where did you get a picture of my penis
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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