return my video game
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
