Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
