I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
