Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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