It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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