i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
