you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Let's paint friendship bongs
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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