sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
