He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
