come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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