My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
