I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
