My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
