i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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