is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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