There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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