I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Bring me that man meat
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I came so hard my ears popped.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
