i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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