There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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