Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
