Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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