he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
