no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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