P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
