I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
