No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
