whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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