Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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