they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
