I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
