I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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