I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
