he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
