My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
