So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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