I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
where are you?
Hypothermia
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
