Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
