it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
