Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
