Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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