is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
