don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
