I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
