Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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