dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
