I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You are a genius and a whore.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
